i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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