Who wears a wallet chain?!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
