Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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