Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
