It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
