he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
