There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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