she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
