My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
worst night to have a conscience
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
