His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
