I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
