her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
