Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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