I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
