Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
