also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
