i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
