"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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