that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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