Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
