saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
