No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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