Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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