The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
