he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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