we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
