Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
