if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
