Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I would ride that face into the sunset
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
