Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
