I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
