he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
