therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
