Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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