dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
