i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
