I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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