Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
