I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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