Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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