I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
