I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
