i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
