What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
