My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't turn off my feet"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
