Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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