SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
