on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
