So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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