I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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