I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
