im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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